Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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