The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
