The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
