Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
