I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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