if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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