She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
