the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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