Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
