No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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