i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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