dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
