I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
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I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.