Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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