mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours