After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it