So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.