Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
