I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
