we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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