Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
