She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
