Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
