I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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