I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
