You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize