we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Of course I have a pirate flag
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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