I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
