yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
