did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
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i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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