Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
