what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
