I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize