I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
