Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
where does the pee come out of this thing
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
