What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
