you would pick up someone in the library
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
