it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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