if i died would you start the facebook group?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
