I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
