The maid of honor just puked.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
