dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
