lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
