I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
