it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
