Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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