I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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