Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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