Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
