so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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