one might say we're banned from that church
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
