somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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