No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
