I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
