yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
