This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The air taste purple.
Randomize
