There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
