So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
