FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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