Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Every concussion has its silver lining
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
