I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
this is an emotional support booty call
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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