You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
