Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
