Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
