Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
