and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
