Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
