My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
