I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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