she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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