Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
