DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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