so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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