i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
