it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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