I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize