it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
