fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
