apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
