By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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