Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
