Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
