I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
